Romans 13 Part 3 (Bryan and Kate)

by Opcomm · Published February 15, 2011 · Updated March 17, 2016

Teaching 2.15.11
Forgiving
- The choice to forgive your friend for whatever hurt or wrong they do to you
- We do this first because we do not want to hold a grudge against them
- Colossians 3:13
  - “Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”
    - We are doing this because we want to
- Hebrews 12:5
  - “And you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,”
    - Forgiveness is really important
    - When we let our anger build up, we damage our relationships
    - A lot of emotional and mental problems start developing
      - You become depressed, have eating disorders, alienate yourself
    - It really is in your best interest to forgive the person
    - When you cannot forgive someone…
      - Your understanding of God’s grace because non-understandable
      - You cannot forgive yourself
      - You cannot live your life victorious
    - Love includes emotion
      - We are really emotional creatures
      - We need this to function properly
    - Accepting relationships
      - You are vulnerable, compassionate, and empathetic
    - Some people pretend that they do not have these
      - They are just afraid to be vulnerable and let people in
      - They need to find their substitute
        
        Sex, food… anything comforting
    - Or some people demand love
      - Telling someone to love you in a specific way
      - When they do not fulfill your love demands, you start bickering
        
        “You suck at loving me…”
        
        We are truly using our emotions to beat someone up
        
        Using your emotions as a club is not a healthy resolution
    - You need to be able to have a conversation with your friend
      - Without any defenses up
    - Encouraging and telling friends that you love them
      - You do not have to feel it necessarily
      - But if they are true, let them know
      - The problem is…
        
        Most of us think love is only a feeling
    - Love itself is not a feeling, it’s a choice
    - God called us to love the world
      - John 3:16
        
        If you are following God’s example then our love has to include everyone
    - When we love the people that love us…
      - We make love selfish
      - Matthew 5:46
        
        “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?”
        
        We poison love
        
        This happens to a lot of families
        
        They internalize everything that happens
        
        They keep in their huddle
Discipline
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14
  - “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”
    - Admonish your friends
- Colossians 1:28
  - “We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.”
    - Goal of discipline is to help our friends become complete in Christ
    - It is to help your friend exchange their bad habit for something good
  - After we have invested our time with our friends…
    - Then we can discipline our friends for their own good
  - Because we have access to this authority…
    - We have authority to tell our friends the truth about themselves
      - Like when they have a problem, attitude, or destructive behavior
    - When you are angry with someone it is not helpful to yell and punish
      - They will not want to change
  - We need to choose to give love, not demand it
  - Everyone has problems
    - Even we have problems
  - It should not matter how your friend reacts
    - When you are speaking truth into their life, it’s the truth
    - And you should not feel guilty
Sacrificial love
- To give love and concern for one another and not to lash back to protect yourself
- Our basis for this is our gratitude to God
- We deserve eternal death
  - Because we are really rebellious, we hurt a lot of people, we are bad people
  - But God has provided an out
  - He sent Jesus to be tortured and die for us
  - We could not rescue ourselves
  - We do not deserve anything but death
  - God made a HUGE sacrifice
  - All of these personal rights we think we have are wrong
- Initiating is a huge issue
  - “They need to come talk to me first…”
  - “They need to ask me about this and that…”
  - Why should we expect others to come talk to us first?
    - This was not how Jesus acted
  - So why do we think we are any better than Christ?
- Sacrificing is to not gain approval from our friends
  - It is for their benefit
  - Helping them mature more spiritually
- Feelings will often follow when you sacrifice for someone
  - To Jesus Christ it did not feel good to die on the cross
  - When we sacrifice sometimes, it does not always feel good
- 1 John 4:10-11
  - “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
    - God has initiated with us
    - He is calling us to love others this way too
Three Kinds of Relationships
- Connection not only for friendships, but for dating and marriages also
- The problem…
  - People will say that their best friends are people that they just meet
- Casual
  - You do not really have any deep talks
  - Talking about random, superficial things
    - It is not a big deal unless these are people that you really want to get to know
  - You need to show warmth and enthusiasm
  - People are just too wrapped up in themselves
    - Be vulnerable and expressive
  - We need to learn to be sensitive
    - Especially in relationships that are not that strong
  - We need to learn to listen and formulate a response
- Close
  - This includes casual relationships but more
  - When you are talking about things that matter
    - You still joke around but you know when to be serious
  - You learn how to initiate with people
    - You know what they are struggling with
  - You have freedom in what you can say to these people
  - You start to understand each other’s problems
    - Really helpful in relationships
  - You are loyal and affectionate
    - You are legitimately thankful for that person
    - “I’m there for you…”
      - It is not phony
  - You have to be more honest about your disappointments but be encouraging
  - Hebrew 10:24-25
    - “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”
      - Our thoughts sometimes are too negative to love people
  - Ephesians 4:29
    - “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
      - This is legit encouragement
        
        Not flattery
- Intimate
  - Going farther than casual and close
  - This is not just sexual
    - This means you fully know someone
    - A strong desire to be with these people
  - You are not limited in availability
  - You have shared goals
  - All your friends are pretty much the same
    - You can have the same prayer burden
  - Long back log of experiences
    - “Don’t you remember…”
    - Relating with one another
  - When getting into each other’s lives you have to be completely open
    - You are so close you trust each other and do not fear that person
  - You cannot just lash out at these people
    - You know what will hurt them or destroy them
    - You are too close to these people
  - You have to be able to share nurturing emotions
    - Even if you do not know how, you try
    - Even if you are not that good, they are going to know that you are there for them
      - That’s what really matters!
God knows that we are screwed up creatures
- We are going to screw up ALOT
  - Romans 3:23
    - “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”
      - We are sinful creatures
- Ephesians 3:20
  - “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,”
    - God can do wonders with our relationships
You cannot just have relationships on just one of these levels
Are all of our relationships just casual?
- If so, you probably do not feel good about it
People who build solid, lasting, and intimate relationships can do it over and over again